What are you thinking?
As I re-read The Secret for probably the eighth time, it really hit me! What we think about, we bring about! This has got to be one of the “secrets” that I put into play but had no idea it was a “thing” before reading the book! Apparently, I had the right idea a few years back. On one phone conversation, my BFF said to me, “You must be feeling better, you haven’t talked about your illness in a while.” I had to correct her at the time, by saying, “Actually, I’m the same, but I’ve decided that if I’m sick of talking about my illness, you’ve got to be tired of listening about my illness!” I went on to explain to her that, while her support meant the world to me, I didn’t feel it was in our friendship’s best interest to make mention of my illness every conversation.
First I expressed my sincere gratitude for her being my sounding board. I let her know it really meant a lot to me to be able to pick up the phone and bitch/cry/complain to her whenever I needed to. She truly was always there for me. But then I set down a new boundary. “How about I only mention the illness if something really bad is going on, or something good? Other than that, let’s just assume it’s status quo?” And she agreed! (and I love her even more for not letting me hear the relief in her voice! ;)
So from that day on, when anyone else asked (usually assuming that it meant that I was doing better) (It didn’t, at least not right away.) I gave them the same guidelines. I’d only discuss my illness if I really needed to, or if there was something good to share.
From there, I took it a step further. I began to only give “airtime” to the good stuff! And I define “airtime” as any thoughts whether they be verbalized, or merely in my head.
And then I began to give thanks for any small thing that I could find about my health or wellness. Thanks for having the strength to wash my hair when it needed it. Thanks on the days I could actually use the blow-dryer to create some kind of a hairstyle! Thanks for having the energy to cook dinner for my family instead of ordering a pizza or sending hubby out for something from the local Grease & Gross.
The more I gave thanks for the little accomplishments, the more little accomplishments there were to be thankful for! Thank you Universe that I came down the stairs one at a time like a big girl! Because that meant less knee and hip swelling that morning! Thank you Universe for only waking up to go to the bathroom 3x last night instead of 4 or 8 (it’s been more!) Thank you for being able to walk my dog around the block! How great is THIS!!! I literally walk my dog with a crazy grin on my face! And if no one is looking or within earshot, I say out loud, “Isn’t this GREAT? Thank you for this beautiful day, for the beautiful breeze! For my legs that can now carry me the whole way around my neighborhood when I used to barely make it 3 house lengths from my front door without feeling like I would pass out!!! THANK YOU GOD! THANK YOU UNIVERSE! Thank you BODY!!! Thank you doctor, thank you Xeljanz, thank you that I can afford fruits and vegetables which fuel my body with what it needs! And thank you for all the amazing people in my life who love me and care about me!
Fast forward to today, and on Xeljanz over two years now. And I am always surprising my friends with some new and wonderful little ditty that I never thought I’d see the day to say. Such as this little gem from this past weekend. “I went to my cousin’s wedding AND I WORE HIGH HEELS!” and not only did I wear them, “I DANCED in them!” and I wore them till the wedding was OVER!!!! Now you are talking to a girl who actually never gave up buying high heels. True, they are much lower than in my youth, but I love me some high heels!!! But in all honestly, I held them over the Good-Will bag the last few times I got stuff together to give away. And I just couldn’t do it! I held out hope! I said, “Maybe one day I will get to wear them again.”
I’ve been lucky enough to be able to work out for 30 minutes once per week at my local gym (Props to my girl ALEX!!! – my awesome trainer who coaches and pushes, but just enough!) I have been doing it faithfully for 3 months and the strength I’ve gained in my legs has helped my knees and hips! I am really truly taking the stairs most days, like a big girl (and ignoring the times that I can’t). And I really and truly wore high heels and lived to tell about it! (My feet hurt like hell on the way home, but I did not have that “Holy Hell, what have I done?” moment the next day!!! TRUE VICTORY!
So, while I do not want to risk sounding preachy, I will end on a question to you. “What are you thinking?” because it really does make a difference!
Be well my friends,